Crap Roundup #2

Just to reassure you I don't really like everything I test, a healthy dose of fragrant poop (imho, of course). And no, who ends up in the shame corner does not deserve pictures!

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Wilde by Jardins D'Ecrivains

Wilde opens with an accord of aldehydes and galaxolide, with a green-floral touch (fig, carnation, mossy notes). The ambiance is "bath tub", withouth any possible romance, powdery elegance, sumptuous nostalgia, just more the bath you middle-class prototypical reader - no offense - took last night with your usual supermarket bath gel. It smells cheap and I don't get the connection with Wilde, or better in a way I do according to my personal tastes, as I don't like Wilde, but I am quite sure that was not the aim of the line.

4/10

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Santal Rouge by Il Profvmo

I don't like to "make fun" of scents and noses (well at least, not too much), and I always try to take juices seriously, sometimes pretending not to smell certain artificial tricks (I mean to pass over), but this time, this is too hilarious to pass. There's great scents, good scents, dull scents, stinky scents, and the "hilarious" ones, which luckily are rare. This is one of the best around – it terms of laughters it triggers. The fun comes from the pretentiousness of the brand compared to the actual quality of the scent. A glorification of the cheapest aromachemicals on the market, a soapy, white musks/fruity/woody concoction drowned in a bath tub of galaxolide and musk ketones. It's nothing only "skilled noses" can detect: it's a Garnier shampoo, anyone can spot it. Worth a try to cheer you up when you feel sad.

3/10

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Straight to Heaven by By Kilian

Straight to Heaven opens with a pleasant, discreet woody accord surrounded by an aromatic floral (rose) and vanillin cloud, cinnamon, green-bitter notes. I barely get any rhum note. All is delicate, transparent, aerial and unbearably dull. Sophisticated cheapness like a downtown boutique (not "haute couture", think more of the "classy" dept at Zara's). Anonymous, conventional, quite pale and washed. No evolution, just a general toning down. Short persistence. Overpriced and pathetically pretentious.

4/10

Bank Holiday - Crap Roundup # 2

I'm in vacation and so does taste!

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Vanille Bourbon EDP by Il Profumo

Year: 2004

Nose: Silvana Casoli

The opening is a cloying vanilla-aldehydes bomb, not even "gourmand", rather "your sister's car freshener". It eventually becomes a bit more gentle settling on a pleasant vanilla-talcum accord, but still lacking in any possible interest. Not bad but plain and pointless.

4,5-5/10

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Lux EDC by Mona di Orio

Year: 2006

Nose: Mona di Orio

I get the tribute to Roudnitska, this is in fact a citrusy chypre with a poudrée feeling and an animalic base, quite a classic fougère cologne. The opening is decent, a bit close to Jicky, but then again... the same random weirdness which is the signature of at least other two fragrances by Mona di Orio, occurs abruptly. A warm, odd, soft gingerbread note comes in, blending with the stale smell of a cadaveric boudoir. Still with a totally out-of-place citrus note. Then you smell like if you accidentally poured a lemonade on your dead grandma for a while, and then it's all basically gone. It must be me, but I don't get this.

4/10

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Carnation EDP by Mona di Orio

Year: 2006

Nose: Mona di Orio

The opening is good: a bold, balanced, rich chypre, with an intriguing base comprising a leather/smoky note (the styrax, I guess) and an almost rancid fruity-rose note. A gloomy chypre with a powdery-vanilla violet side which smells almost like iris, nothin new but still quite good and elegant. Then, well, in a matter of seconds it all goes completely wrong, like when you are on the highway driving peacefully in a mellow, fast traffic flow and a car suddendly loses control and goes zig-zagging before crashing against a pole. It all collapses down in a sort of weird, aldehydated, warm (not in a good way) soup-gingerbread accord with a completely random smell of tennis shoes. You still feel something nice (some floral notes a and some vanillin) but it's like if you drop a cake on the floor, you can still save something, but obviously it's gone wrong. However if you keep re-applying it every 10 minutes you can still get the nice side.

4/10

Sunday's Crap Roundup #1

It was a dirty job, but someone had to do it.

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Do Ré by Réminiscence

Year: 2008
Nose: Jacques Flori

Bold sweet-bozy opening which smells exactly like the boozier adult version of the cough syrup I used to take when I was the child. Fava tonka, almond, vanilla – kind of "Amaretto di Saronno" feel, which in turn is basically Baiser du dragon by Cartier. All wrapped in cheap candy shower soap. Dull choco-patchouli drydown. Next!

4/10

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Coquelicot by Il Profumo

Year: 2008
Nose: Silvana Casoli

A gallon of aromachemicals among which, probably, at least calone, melonal and galaxolide, thrown in this with the same grace a cleaner man would use when throwing away the bucket of dirty water after having cleaned an entire floor. Basically a fruity shampoo, just less creamy and sweet, and more transparent, with a bitter green/herbaceous feel and a refreshing vibe. Also a salty/metallic vibe due to some other aromachemicals I don't spot exactly. After a while you get a round and mellow ambery base still with a green leafy note and a light patchouli note. Close to skin. Dull!

4/10

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Noir Gabardine by LM Parfums

Year: 2011
Nose: Jerome Epinette

Just gross. It starts like a 90's sporty "eau de cologne" mixed with a Daim Blond like suede accord. Vaguely salty and a bit synthetic. Then it suddendly pops out a spooky leather-vanillic accord which is just... wrong, halfway between gingerbread and burnt soup. Try to imagine a dry, dark, burnt-rubber leather (safraleine) note mixed with a milky rancid vanillin note. Then this sickening accord fades away again and you're back on the sporty cologne side. Totally disturbing – not in a cool way.

3/10