Niche poop roundup # whatever

You missed that, didn't you?

Seriously, save your money.

No years, no photos, no nothing - it's niche poop's shame corner!

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Fruits of the Musk by Montale 

Fruits of the Musk is a completely, desperately synthetic fruity scent, as much milky-syrupy as pungent and artificial. White vanillic musks on the base, together with a dry, dusty and artificially earthy note of patchouli. That’s it, perfectly identical to itself for hours. Boring, cheap, plain, with the same quality, elegance and creativity of the worst celebrity fragrance out there.

4/10

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Oud by Robert Piguet

Harsh, metallic, powerful opening of aldehydes, cloves and other spices, Iso E Super, something slightly sweet-resinous and an almost unperceivable note of synthetic oud (which basically smells like just being “created” by the juxtaposition of aldehydes and some chemical rubber-ish aromachemicals). The only “realistic” note I get is the fir balsam, which is quite powerful together with aldehydes and spices. I don’t get why they called it “Oud”, as it’s basically all about aldehydes, spices and fir balsam. After some hours (I mean 6 or 7) you get more clearly what remains of the note of synthetic oud – not that this is an added value, as it feels like: “where the hell have you been?”. Pungent, artificial, incredibly powerful (like many other new Piguet’s): a tacky, clumsy, annoying and remarkably unpleasant bomb of metallic-synthetic stuff which has not the slightest resemblance to oud – and more sadly, to Piguet’s old trademark quality. I’ll not beat a dead horse, but: horrible!

3/10

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Soleil de Capri by Montale

A terrible citrus-fruity candy, as much realistic and intriguing as a chewing gum, with (synthetic) pungent green notes and a milky base of white flowers and musk ketones. Clumsy, cheap and sickening.

4/10

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Notes by Robert Piguet

At the first sniff Notes smells like a ton of cheap, mass-marketed colognes: a dull bergamot-citrus note with aromatic neroli, synthetic mossy woods, a hint of evernyl (synthetic oak moss), something vaguely floral (lavender) and some aromatic fruity notes. I don’t want to sound pretentious with all these “something” but that is what I smell – generic plain stuff, precisely like in any mall’s fragrance or deodorant. To which Notes smells quite similar in fact, basically it is a generic “whatever” masculine aromatic citrus-woody cologne. Both uninspired, as it sits close to the cheapest [insert inexpensive chainstore brand] scent’s around, and even within this lack of creativeness or at least “elegance”, particularly clumsy and cheap-smelling. So basically it’s boring and not even nice. The price is pure highway robbery to me, and that is part of why my review may sound too grave. Let’s stick to vintage Piguet’s and pretend the brand doesn’t exist anymore...

4/10

(I forgot to specify that after the first sniff nothing changes for hours)

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Tumultu by Les Liquides Imaginaires

Possibly the least “tumultuous” fragrance I’ve ever tried. A quite simple cedar-sandalwood scent stuffed with Iso E Super and at least another woody-ambery aromachemical, with a hint of tart citrus notes on head, a general overall feel of sweet glossy grayness with a slight creamy substance. All artificial, but not enough to carry some “abstractness” or whatever creative meaning for me – just more plain boring. Plus, it quickly loses the few barely interesting facets (notably the initial “invigorating” clash between citrus notes and woods) becoming an endless straight line of Iso E sweetened by a pale debris of sandalwood, and hint of vanilla perhaps. For hours. Not stinky, but cheap, unsubstantial, uncreative and pretentious; surely unworth being considered “niche”, if the term still has some meaning and value – which apparently has not anymore (I’d give this a higher rate if it was a 20 EUR mainstream scent; but it’s not).

4,5-5/10

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Safari Moon by Memo Paris

Safari Moon opens with a fresh, minty-balsamic floral accord without praise or blame, a generic and fairly synthetic bunch of flowers with spices (mostly tonka), citrus head notes, light woods on the base which will then emerge better, notably vetiver. It may sound uninteresting, and in fact it totally is. An uninspired, generic (which here means: “like hundreds of others”) barely decent green-woody-floral Oriental scent on the fresh-aromatic side. Linear drydown. Boringly pleasant, but nothing really “niche”. To quote alfarom on Basenotes: “designer in disguise”. My low vote is also due to the fact that I’ve seen this bottle of boredom on sale in Italy for some 140 EUR for 75 ml, which sounds like a prank, but sadly it’ not. Parvenus' stuff, and another Memo I wouldn’t care for.

4/10

Brace yourself - some niche poop (again).

No images, no noses, no dates - the poop doesn't deserve any of that. Just a black list of names.

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Mon Nom est Rouge by Majda Bekkali 

Given the brand positioning, the price, the "artistic" pretenses, just one word comes to my mind now that it's some 5 hours I am wearing this: pathetic. True pathetic contemporary niche perfumery. Mon nom est rouge is a plain blend of chemical boredom, stuffed with Iso E with a whiff of citral (all that luminous, slightly sparkling incense-like thing) and synthetic amber/ambrette molecules (cetalox, ambroxan, ambrettolide, who cares), and some vague, clumsy, random hints of tonka, flowers, fake mossy notes, fake earthy thingies - just to pretend it's not really about 2 aromachemicals any toddler can put together. But basically it's all about synthetic ambers and Iso E. Now I love purely synthetic scents, *but* only when they're admittedly artificial, and they get creative, playful, smart on that – it's always a matter of honesty and consistency to me. None of which happen here. This fraudulent nonsense about roses and elemi and stuff is hilarious (pretty much like the cow crap-shaped bottle). Now ok, I'll stop the rant, but seriously... no.

3/10

Embruns d'Essaouira by Montale

A horrendous calone-menthol scent halfway a random 1990's ozonic fragrance and Colgate toothpaste, on a synthetic, metallic and slightly salty woody base with the same supermarket quality of the calone note. Had to scratch it off earlier than expected (yes, it's *that* bad), so I can't judge about the persistence, but I do hope it's short.

3/10

Forbidden Games by By Kilian

Forbidden Games is another completely synthetic (in a cheap and un-creative meaning) fruity-floral bomb, a galaxolide and ketones galore supported by vanillin. Fresh and sweet, loud and plain, dull and teenish. Unworthy any price above 10 dollars (please don't tell me how much it actually costs).

4/10

Truly by MariaLux

A synthetic bath soap scented with (synthetic flavours of) iris, white flowers, mint/basil, patchouli, amber, with a vague attempt to reminisce classic floral scents à la early Chanel. It does not stink, actually it smells good, as good as a liquid soap – and not only for the soapy notes, I mean literally, quality-wise too. Shallow and dull to any point of view, plus with a depressing, arrogant tendency to emulate classics with cheap quality materials and no creativity whatsoever. Go get the worst Chanel or Guerlain, it will still be better than this nonsense.

4/10

Le Vainqueur by Rancé 1795

Le Vainqueur ("the winner") by Rancé 1795 is similar to all extents to any masculine cheapie from the 2000s, stuffed with calone, melonal, aldehydes, ambroxan (and other typical delicacies of the XVIII century). A white/azure scent, artificial and metallic, even interesting in its own way for the abstractness of the notes – it does not smell of almost "anything" clear, just pure synthetic nowhere, a series of metallic-aquatic-green suggestions, cold and decontextualised, true to life like a Windows '98 background image. More than to cheap designers, perhaps it is even more similar to floor cleansers. I do not get the placement of such a type of scent in a "neoclassic" line. Ugly per se, and most of all, ugly for the price and the pretentiousness of another made-up "historical" brand (founded in 2003).

4/10

Irish Leather by Memo Paris

Irish Leather opens with a bitter, minty green-citrus accord of lime, juniper berries, something peppery and something fruity on the base (bitter-fruity, like berries), and as for Italian Leather, a depressing, microscopic "leather" accord built on a mediocre smell of synthetic burnt rubber. Here (luckily, perhaps) this "leather" note is however oppressed by the head pepper-juniper-citral accord, which lasts for hours. If you're into leather scents, compare this to any - even the worst - vintage leather scent and laugh hard ("laugh for not cry"). Outrageous price tag.

4/10