Brace yourself - some niche poop (again).

No images, no noses, no dates - the poop doesn't deserve any of that. Just a black list of names.

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Mon Nom est Rouge by Majda Bekkali 

Given the brand positioning, the price, the "artistic" pretenses, just one word comes to my mind now that it's some 5 hours I am wearing this: pathetic. True pathetic contemporary niche perfumery. Mon nom est rouge is a plain blend of chemical boredom, stuffed with Iso E with a whiff of citral (all that luminous, slightly sparkling incense-like thing) and synthetic amber/ambrette molecules (cetalox, ambroxan, ambrettolide, who cares), and some vague, clumsy, random hints of tonka, flowers, fake mossy notes, fake earthy thingies - just to pretend it's not really about 2 aromachemicals any toddler can put together. But basically it's all about synthetic ambers and Iso E. Now I love purely synthetic scents, *but* only when they're admittedly artificial, and they get creative, playful, smart on that – it's always a matter of honesty and consistency to me. None of which happen here. This fraudulent nonsense about roses and elemi and stuff is hilarious (pretty much like the cow crap-shaped bottle). Now ok, I'll stop the rant, but seriously... no.

3/10

Embruns d'Essaouira by Montale

A horrendous calone-menthol scent halfway a random 1990's ozonic fragrance and Colgate toothpaste, on a synthetic, metallic and slightly salty woody base with the same supermarket quality of the calone note. Had to scratch it off earlier than expected (yes, it's *that* bad), so I can't judge about the persistence, but I do hope it's short.

3/10

Forbidden Games by By Kilian

Forbidden Games is another completely synthetic (in a cheap and un-creative meaning) fruity-floral bomb, a galaxolide and ketones galore supported by vanillin. Fresh and sweet, loud and plain, dull and teenish. Unworthy any price above 10 dollars (please don't tell me how much it actually costs).

4/10

Truly by MariaLux

A synthetic bath soap scented with (synthetic flavours of) iris, white flowers, mint/basil, patchouli, amber, with a vague attempt to reminisce classic floral scents à la early Chanel. It does not stink, actually it smells good, as good as a liquid soap – and not only for the soapy notes, I mean literally, quality-wise too. Shallow and dull to any point of view, plus with a depressing, arrogant tendency to emulate classics with cheap quality materials and no creativity whatsoever. Go get the worst Chanel or Guerlain, it will still be better than this nonsense.

4/10

Le Vainqueur by Rancé 1795

Le Vainqueur ("the winner") by Rancé 1795 is similar to all extents to any masculine cheapie from the 2000s, stuffed with calone, melonal, aldehydes, ambroxan (and other typical delicacies of the XVIII century). A white/azure scent, artificial and metallic, even interesting in its own way for the abstractness of the notes – it does not smell of almost "anything" clear, just pure synthetic nowhere, a series of metallic-aquatic-green suggestions, cold and decontextualised, true to life like a Windows '98 background image. More than to cheap designers, perhaps it is even more similar to floor cleansers. I do not get the placement of such a type of scent in a "neoclassic" line. Ugly per se, and most of all, ugly for the price and the pretentiousness of another made-up "historical" brand (founded in 2003).

4/10

Irish Leather by Memo Paris

Irish Leather opens with a bitter, minty green-citrus accord of lime, juniper berries, something peppery and something fruity on the base (bitter-fruity, like berries), and as for Italian Leather, a depressing, microscopic "leather" accord built on a mediocre smell of synthetic burnt rubber. Here (luckily, perhaps) this "leather" note is however oppressed by the head pepper-juniper-citral accord, which lasts for hours. If you're into leather scents, compare this to any - even the worst - vintage leather scent and laugh hard ("laugh for not cry"). Outrageous price tag.

4/10

Crap Roundup #2

Just to reassure you I don't really like everything I test, a healthy dose of fragrant poop (imho, of course). And no, who ends up in the shame corner does not deserve pictures!

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Wilde by Jardins D'Ecrivains

Wilde opens with an accord of aldehydes and galaxolide, with a green-floral touch (fig, carnation, mossy notes). The ambiance is "bath tub", withouth any possible romance, powdery elegance, sumptuous nostalgia, just more the bath you middle-class prototypical reader - no offense - took last night with your usual supermarket bath gel. It smells cheap and I don't get the connection with Wilde, or better in a way I do according to my personal tastes, as I don't like Wilde, but I am quite sure that was not the aim of the line.

4/10

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Santal Rouge by Il Profvmo

I don't like to "make fun" of scents and noses (well at least, not too much), and I always try to take juices seriously, sometimes pretending not to smell certain artificial tricks (I mean to pass over), but this time, this is too hilarious to pass. There's great scents, good scents, dull scents, stinky scents, and the "hilarious" ones, which luckily are rare. This is one of the best around – it terms of laughters it triggers. The fun comes from the pretentiousness of the brand compared to the actual quality of the scent. A glorification of the cheapest aromachemicals on the market, a soapy, white musks/fruity/woody concoction drowned in a bath tub of galaxolide and musk ketones. It's nothing only "skilled noses" can detect: it's a Garnier shampoo, anyone can spot it. Worth a try to cheer you up when you feel sad.

3/10

***

Straight to Heaven by By Kilian

Straight to Heaven opens with a pleasant, discreet woody accord surrounded by an aromatic floral (rose) and vanillin cloud, cinnamon, green-bitter notes. I barely get any rhum note. All is delicate, transparent, aerial and unbearably dull. Sophisticated cheapness like a downtown boutique (not "haute couture", think more of the "classy" dept at Zara's). Anonymous, conventional, quite pale and washed. No evolution, just a general toning down. Short persistence. Overpriced and pathetically pretentious.

4/10